Choosing a Venue That Feels Like US
Choosing your wedding venue is one of the first big decisions you’ll make and honestly, it can feel like the most intimidating one. The space you choose becomes the backdrop to your vows, your photos, your memories, and the energy of the entire day. For queer couples, it’s about more than pretty walls and good lighting… it’s about safety, affirmation, and feeling like you can breathe.
When you’re planning a non-traditional or LGBTQ+ wedding, the venue sets the tone. So choosing one that feels aligned isn’t just a logistical decision, it’s an emotional one.
Let’s talk about how to find a venue that truly feels like you.
Start with the Feeling, Not the Aesthetic
Before you even browse a single venue website, take a moment with your partner and ask yourselves:
“What do we want to feel on our wedding day?”
Peaceful? Playful? Intimate? Celebratory? Connected? Outdoorsy? Luxurious? Rooted in nature?
THE feeling helps guide the style, and the style helps guide the space.
For us, we wanted a space that would let us be fully present during our vows with our family. Just us; no pressure, and no ugly crying in front of everyone. That intention led us toward a secluded nature setting for our elopement… and a more lively venue for our reception with friends.
Because yes, you’re allowed to have both.
What Makes a Venue “Affirming”
One thing I learned through our own wedding planning is that you can walk into a stunning venue and still feel… off.
Not because of the decor.
Not because of the size.
But because of the energy.
Affirming venues will:
Use inclusive language from the start
Acknowledge both partners equally
Avoid assumptions about gender roles or traditions
Make you feel welcome without having to explain yourselves
Respect your boundaries and the vision
Ensure staff is trained and prepared for LGBTQ+ weddings
Celebrate you, not just see you as a transaction
Sometimes the vibes are obvious before you even step foot inside.
Our First Venue Tour: A Lesson in What Not to Accept
The very first wedding venue we toured was absolutely stunning and honestly, WAY out of our budget. But you know, we were newly engaged and curious, so we toured it for giggles. At first, it was going great. The grounds were beautiful, the ceremony space was picturesque, and the coordinator seemed friendly enough…
Until we got to the getting-ready spaces.
They proudly showed us the “bridal suite,” which was light, airy, soft, and pretty feminine. Then they led us to the “groom suite,” which had dark wood, leather couches, and a very “bro-y,” masculine aesthetic.
Here’s the problem:
Instead of acknowledging that these rooms were designed with OBVIOUS heteronormative assumptions in mind, the coordinator tried (really hard) to “spin” this as inclusive.
She repeatedly insisted the apparent groom suite would be “perfect for one of us.”
Two femme lesbians.
Two women who clearly didn’t fit the binary they were selling.
It felt forced, disconnected, and honestly… annoying.
Instead of asking what we needed or how we wanted the space to feel like, they tried to plug us into a system built for straight couples and pretended it was “inclusive.”
We left that venue realizing something important:
We were not looking for a place that tolerated us.
We were looking for a place that understood us.
That experience set the tone for the rest of our search and opened our eyes to find what real inclusivity looks like in the wedding industry.
Questions to Ask When Touring
Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. A great venue will answer them proudly!
Try asking:
“How many LGBTQ+ weddings have you hosted?”
“Can we customize traditions to reflect our relationship?”
“Are there gender-neutral restrooms for guests?”
“How do you handle anyone who may act disrespectfully?”
Their responses will tell you more than the brochures ever could.
Choose a Space That Honors Your Values
Think about the things that matter most to you both.
For example:
If your value is intimacy, a quiet outdoor space or small venue might feel right.
If you value community, maybe a cozy indoor setting with room for connection.
If you value nature, look for gardens, forests, or scenic areas.
If you value freedom, an open, flexible venue that lets you do things your own way.
A venue that aligns with your values will feel grounding. Natural. Right. Like home.
Photographer Insight: Why Your Venue Matters More Than You Think
As a photographer, I can tell you one thing for sure:
Your venue shapes how your day feels, looks, and flows.
It impacts:
How comfortable you feel during photos
How natural light interacts with your skin tones
How you move, walk, laugh, and interact with your partner
How much stress (or peace) you carry through the day
When a space feels affirming, your shoulders drop. Your smile is from genuine laughs. Your connection becomes undeniable.
And that’s when the most beautiful photos happen; when you feel safe enough to fully be yourselves.
A Venue That Feels Like You Is Out There!
Whether your dream space is:
a botanical garden
a moody industrial space
a forest clearing
a rooftop at sunset
a backyard filled with string lights
a cabin in Tahoe
a cozy wine bar
or a courthouse followed by a queer celebration
Your venue should feel like your relationship, warm, honest, and true.
You deserve a place that doesn’t just accept your love, but actively celebrates it.
Basically…
Choosing the right venue isn’t just a planning step. It’s standing in a space and saying,
“This feels like us.”
And that matters so much more than following tradition. Get yourself a photographer who gets it!