The EnGaygement 🌈

Our engagement story begins with an “Are you joking right now?” followed by a teary-eyed “Yes!” It was a clear coastal Saturday morning that felt straight out of a movie. You know, the kind of calm, cinematic moment that makes your heart pause before it all sinks in? That.

The running joke in our seven-year relationship was that I’d made a lot of the first moves, so in return it was my partner’s turn to be the one to propose. As we walked to this perfectly still beach with no one around, I had jokingly asked where the camera was waiting for her to get down on a knee. But truthfully? I had no idea what was coming next.

Breaking (and embracing) Tradition

She didn’t get down on her knee. She didn’t take me to a crowded area to make a huge gesture. (She knows my anxiety to well!) There wasn’t a photographer staged in the back ground. It was heartfelt, genuine, silly, and perfectly us.

There is no rule book, especially for lesbians or queer couples. For so long, we’ve only seen engagement stories that looked one way: straight, scripted, and traditional. So basically just do literally what ever the fuck you want to do!!

If you’re planning your own proposal, I hope you embrace that same freedom. Want to propose in matching denim jackets under the stars? Do it. Want to skip the ring and exchange tattoos or vintage lockets instead? Absolutely. There’s no right way to ask someone to spend forever with you, there’s only your way.

Representation Matters: Engagement Photos

Engagement photos aren’t just for the save the dates, they’re going to live on the walls in your home or even become your favorite lock screen. Choose a photographer who understands the weight these photos hold, which will make the process seamless.

Being on the other side of the lens reminded me how powerful the feeling of being comfortable with your photographer. Being able to communicate what feels comfy for your body type, or if your partner thinks they have a “good side” is key to taking photos that feel like you.

The engagement photos for us, as a lesbian couple, aren’t just keepsakes. They’re visibility and true representation of what pure joy looks like. They’re proof that our love belongs in the spotlight too.

Choose Affirming Vendors

Finding affirming vendors was one of the most important parts of our planning process. From our Venue to our DJ, we wanted to work with people who got it and didn’t just “sell” us.

Here are a few things I learned along the way:

• Ask direct questions about inclusivity: “Have you worked with LGBTQ+ couples before?” is totally okay to ask.

• Check their language online. Do they use gender-neutral terms like “partner” or “couple”?

• Trust your gut. If someone makes you feel like you have to over-explain who you are, or they’re trying to sell you on a very traditional vision, they’re not your person.

The right vendors will make you feel safe and affirmed while doing it.

Story Time:

One of the first venues we looked at was extravagant and (what we thought at the time “out of out budget”) had distinctly a bridal suite and a grooms suite. Which is fine, however, the person giving our tour really tried to convince us this “straight manly” presenting room was perfect for two femme lesbians. To each their own, but we felt it was very forced to try and sell us.

Tips for Newly Engaged Queer Couples

1. Celebrate your way. You don’t owe anyone a traditional engagement story. It’s uniquely yours!

2. Document the joy. Even if it’s just selfies, capture those little moments. They’re gold nuggets.

3. Talk about what matters most. Before the planning starts, take time to dream together about what your wedding truly represents.

4. Seek community. Follow queer wedding pages, connect with inclusive photographers (like myself), and find other couples who get it.

5. Take a breath. You don’t have to plan everything overnight. Let the engagement season be something you actually enjoy!

Ready to create affirming, authentic photos together?

Let’s make your engagement session feel like home.

Download this FREE EnGAYgement Photoshoot guide to help and inspire!