We’re Doing It Our Way✨

The moment you get engaged, something wild happens: Suddenly everyone becomes a wedding expert. Friends, coworkers, family, even that one person from high school who still watches your stories.

“Make sure you invite your cousins.”
“You have to do the bouquet toss.”
“Oh, you’re not walking down the aisle separately?”

At first, I tried to smile and nod through it. But as the conversations piled up, I realized most of that advice came from a traditional lens that just didn’t fit our story. So, instead of trying to meet expectations that were never ours to begin with, we decided to do it our way.

Ditching Expectations 🚫

We’d get the occasional, “You’ll regret not doing [insert heteronormative tradition here] ,” or “You really should invite so-and-so, they’re family/you’ve known them for years.” It came from love (mostly), but it also came from a place of misunderstanding that weddings have to look one certain way to be valid.

The best advice I can give? Listen selectively. You can appreciate people’s excitement without internalizing their expectations. When someone offers unsolicited advice, a gentle “Thank you for sharing, we’re excited to see what will come of it” works wonders.

The truth is, you don’t need permission to plan your wedding. You just need alignment with yourself, the one(s) you’re marrying, and your values.

Our Core Values: Intimacy, Connection, and Peace 🫂

When we started planning, we sat down and talked about what mattered most to us. Not to our families, not to social media, but to us.

Our biggest priority? Protecting our peace.

We decided our elopement would be small, intentional, and deeply personal with just immediate family, surrounded by nature, with space to breathe and be fully present. Those moments were sacred to us. We wanted to exchange vows without an audience, to laugh and cry freely, to start our marriage grounded in calm rather than chaos.

The celebration with chosen family came later that was all joy, laughter, and connection. Think dance floor confessions, inside jokes, and chosen family hugs that lasted a little too long (in the best way). It allowed us to separate the sacred from the social. To have both the peaceful beginning and the big queer party!

That balance became our blueprint for everything: peace first, celebration second.

Honoring Who Shows Up 💯

One of the most emotional parts of wedding planning was looking at our guest list and realizing how much had changed over the years.

When we really paused to think about it, we decided to focus on who has truly shown up. Not out of obligation, or convenience, but out of love. The people who checked in when life got messy. The ones who made an effort, who respected our relationship, and who saw us for who we are.

Those are the people we wanted standing beside us, not just filling a chair.

Creating that boundary was hard. Especially when it came to family and friend’s expectations, but it was freeing. It reminded us that our wedding day should reflect our present, not our past.

Ask yourself this:
Who has shown up for you in the last year or two?
Who makes you feel safe, seen, and celebrated?
Who is privileged to witness your love story unfold?

Once you answer those questions honestly, your guest list (and your peace of mind) will get a lot clearer.

Aligning Your Wedding With Your Values 💍

Every choice can either drain your energy or affirm your love. When you lead with your values, everything starts to flow naturally.

For us, aligning our wedding with our values meant:

• Choosing affirming vendors who respected our relationship without making us explain ourselves.

• Creating space for connection instead of performance.

• Honoring boundaries with family while celebrating chosen family.

• Building a day that felt like us: grounded, joyful, and unapologetically queer.

If you’re planning your own wedding, I can’t recommend this reflection process enough! (Save yourself the headache) Before diving into colors, seating charts, or playlists, sit with your partner and ask:

• How do we want the day to feel like?

• What kind of energy do we want to invite in?

• What traditions are we ready to rewrite?

Intentional planning allows every element of your day to tell your love story with honesty and heart.

Last thoughts 🏳️‍🌈

Planning a nontraditional or queer wedding isn’t just about “breaking rules”, it’s about reclaiming your joy! It’s about choosing peace over pressure, love over obligation, and authenticity over aesthetics.

Our wedding didn’t look like anyone else’s and that’s exactly why it felt so right.

You deserve a wedding that feels like you. 💜